I am praying for you that “the peace of God, that passes all understanding, shall keep your heart and mind, through Christ Jesus, our Lord.” I know that, because of what you saw throughout your career, the evils of fallen man may seem more real to you than the goodness of God. But I can tell you that, after a very difficult life, the faith I have struggled to develop and maintain has resulted in an inexplicable hope in me, that has endured throughout countless disappointments, and the deaths of many loved ones.
After years of reading the Word, listening to Contemporary Christian music & TV stations, and finding a church whose members exhibit the love of Christ, I have found our God to be a good God, a God of relationship.
I, too, take medication and have trouble sleeping, but I have a very stable life and attitude now in my life. It took years of work and reaching out to people: at first, for their help, and now, I am the one people come to for help. We are all in this imperfect world together, strong and weak, rich and poor, educated and not, struggling to make sense of it. The thing that has made it make sense for me is relationship. I have learned to relate to those from a powerful state Senate committee, to a homeless man living under a nearby freeway overpass, and the countless in-betweens. We are all mere mortals, created in God’s image, struggling together in this imperfect and fallen world. Yet, each and every one yearns to be loved and valued. And our God does, indeed, deeply love and value His creation: you and me, and Joe-blow down the street, or in jail, or in the gutter (each of whom could have been us, “but for the Grace of God, as my Memere used to say).
Perhaps, it is that time in your life, as a retired keeper of the peace, to seek the face of God, and there find peace for your inner being. You are the apple of His Eye and He laid down His Life for you, so that you may have life, and have it more abundantly!